Tossing pennies…

As a young child, I was a bit shy when meeting new people and making new friends, something I had to do often since my parents were apparently descendants of Nomads. Going into the second grade, I was at yet another new school in Savannah, this one called Romana Riley Elementary. It was a huge school and quite beautiful architecturally but that wasn’t something that interested me at the time. No sirree, what interested me on that first day was getting up those multiple stone steps and inside the brick walls so that I could eventually find my classroom.

Once again, I was going to be introduced as “the new student” and I dreaded having to stand up in front of the class while the teacher introduced me. This is the way they did it back in the late 40s; you didn’t just stand up at your desk, the teacher asked you to come to the front of the room while she told everyone your name, where you had gone to school last and then asked all the other students to help you fit in.

At least this time, my teacher seemed to be quite nice. Her name was Miss Carter and she was young, maybe in her late 20s, and slim and very pretty. What stood out though was her beautiful smile; when in full bloom, it literally lit up her face and drew anyone close by into its glow. I was going to like being in Miss Carter’s class, I felt sure.

Unfortunately, the girls in my second grade already seemed to have chosen their friends from the previous year and on that first day, it didn’t appear they wanted to open up their circle in the least bit. They barely spoke to me when we all went to the bathroom before lunch, and later, no one invited me to sit with them at their table. In their defense, I didn’t make much of an effort to start a conversation at the lunch table, and it took every ounce of fortitude I possessed to attempt to enter into an ongoing conversation. The little bit I contributed fell flat and after one or two of them stared at me blankly, I hid back into the safety of my shyness.

But I did want to have friends at school and felt surely there was a way I could break into the tight little circles; at least one of them. I gave the ways and means of this considerable thought and, after a couple of weeks, finally came up with a brilliant idea that would cost me every penny in my piggy bank… all 64 cents.

On the morning that would surely become my breakthrough, I loaded up my pockets with the pennies and headed off to school. I had a smug little smile on my face throughout the morning while I anxiously awaited recess time which followed lunch.

When recess finally arrived, I headed straight for the swings, climbed on and began pumping away like mad. As I reached the highest level on my back swing, I yelled down to the closest group of girls: “Hey, do you want some pennies?” Yep, I did, and I threw out a tiny handful of pennies and watched as the kids, boys and girls, came scrambling. I was going to buy me some friendship.

The kids were all giggling as they picked up the pennies from the ground, and not being totally stupid, I took my time in the distribution because I was having some real fun for a change. The giggling turned into pushing and shoving and soon caught the attention of Miss Carter who came over to see what the fuss was all about. At about the time I was on a good forward swing, one of the kids shouted: “Miss Carter, that new girl is throwing pennies for us!”

I watched as that beautiful smile of Miss Carter’s went from a glow to a glower. She didn’t say a thing as she beckoned me down off the swings and led me inside to her classroom. There, she sat me down and asked me why I was throwing pennies to the kids. By then, I knew I was in trouble, but wasn’t sure exactly what I had done wrong. So with tears in my eyes, I told her that I just wanted to have some friends.

Miss Carter heaved a sigh and set about explaining to me how she understood that being new in a school wasn’t a fun thing but that trying to buy friendship wasn’t the way to make real friends. She also told me how when she was young, she had a hard time making friends too because she was also shy. I couldn’t believe this young, vivacious woman was ever shy, so I asked her what I should do.

Miss Carter hugged me close to her and said that I just have to give the other kids time. She further explained that most of them had gone to first grade together and already knew each other, but that she was absolutely sure that they had had just as difficult a time as I was having the first few weeks of having met each other. Miss Carter said: “Jane, you’re a lovely little girl and I’m positive you’ll be making new friends very soon… especially after what you did in the school yard. But you must remember that true friends like you for who you are, not for what you give them.”

She was right, of course. When we went back outside, most of the kids gathered around me and the first thing they wanted to know was if I had any pennies left. I told them no, even though I had at least half of what I had put in my pocket that morning. That’s when most of them walked away except for two girls, Mildred and Peggy, who turned out to be true friends for a very long time… or at least until my parents moved to another school district.

This is a lesson for which I’m extremely grateful I learned at an early age.

Jane